How to Handle Churches You Disagree With

It’s inevitable, really. If you’re in career ministry, you will eventually encounter a church or ministry that you flat out disagree with.

You don’t like what they teach.
You don’t like the vibe of their people.
You don’t like the fruit of their ministry efforts.

Certainly there must be some room to allow for personal preference–what they’re up to simply doesn’t appeal to you. But what if it’s deeper?

  • What if you consistently see this church or ministry churning out broken, hurt and disillusioned believers?
  • What if the reputation of this church or ministry is that of resembling a cult?
  • What if you flat out fundamentally disagree with some major (and significant) theological doctrines of the church?

Simply put–what is grace in this situation?

For the first time in my ministry career, I have started to actively discourage people from going to a certain church here in Des Moines. If they ask me what I think about this church, I tell them that I would not recommend going there based on the fruit I have seen coming out of this church.

Six months prior I wouldn’t have done this. I would have smiled and said something along the lines of, “Oh yeah, they’re a great church. They love Jesus and that’s all that matters.” But I don’t think that’s true. I think you can love Jesus as a church body and be incredibly destructive to the human soul.

Of course, this recent revelation has left me with a bit of internal tension. I feel as though I’m doing the right thing, but there’s still a part of me that feel guilty.

Question: Have you ever actively discouraged someone from going to a certain church or ministry? If so, why? If not, why not?

Holler.

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Contributor: Justin Wise

I am a religious deviant who enjoys coffee, collared shirts, spending time with my wife and son, learning about quantum physics and creatively exploring the riches of the Spirit of Christ. Find more here: JustinWise.me
  • Mac
    If there's a church that isn't good from a theological or social standpoint, and if someone asked me whether they should be going there or not, I wouldn't hesitate to tell someone to not go to those churches. I would never force my opinion on them. If someone doesn't ask me for my opinion, or pay for it, they probably won't value it. I would only use this logic in a generic situation.

    In a more extreme situation, I would probably present a very strong opinion, whether someone asked for it or not. For example, if I knew someone was looking for a place of refuge in the church, I would never let them go to a church with a culture that's impersonal and lacking community. That's just one example.
  • It is a responsibility of ministers to look out for people's hearts. I wholly believe that if someone is in a potentially dangerous situation, honesty is the only policy. If someone stays in an unhealthy place, and their growth suffers, being polite and non-confrontational is failing. Obviously, I wouldn't actively pursue people beseeching them to leave a certain local church, but when you are asked...it is an opportunity to have honest dialogue.
    As long as the soap boxes stay put away, a lot of good can come out of those types of conversations. Being able to disagree well is huge.
  • Jerry
    Curious for you to expand on how you compare the fruit coming out of the church vs the church itself. Are all fruit coming out of this church bad?
  • When I lived in Los Angeles for a summer, there were always fruit vendors on the side of the road. Most of the time they sold oranges. It would be like if I went to a fruit vendor–a very nice orange vendor–who constantly had rotten oranges at his stand.

    He sold the rotten oranges because he believed that's how oranges were supposed to be. He didn't know that oranges could be firm and juicy and tangy–only rotten. He wasn't a bad person, he just didn't know any better. His love for oranges was never in question, only what he truly believed an orange to be.

    Not all of the fruit that comes from this church is bad. The LORD promises to send his word out and it will not come back void. They preach the word, in the sense that biblical passages are spoken aloud–thus, God promises to do something with it. However, I came to the realization that there seem to be more damaged oranges coming from this church than healthy, whole ones.

    I realize that might be a stretch, but hopefully that helps illustrate my premise!
  • Jerry
    So then what are you talking with them about and how are they receiving it?
  • A good question. I suppose you start by not affirming what you don't believe to be true. There's a difference between being 'nice' and saying positive things that aren't true.

    Second, instead of just saying what is wrong with 'that' church, perhaps mention characteristics of what is a healthy church. You might give examples of how your church is a healthy church, but maybe also point to other churches in the area as examples of being healthy. The terms healthy and unhealthy seem to speak more clearly to people today than words like right and wrong.

    To get to your question, yes, I would discourage someone from attending a particular church, but that conversation would be tailored to the kind of relationship I had with the person. For example, I have no problem saying to someone that the local Kingdom Hall is not a viable option as a church. But what if the unhealthy church is the same one or at least is the same denomination as their family tradition, I would tread truthfully but carefully.
  • I try to steer very clear of forming opinions for people.

    In my experience there have been so many times where I was very passionate about a given topic. I would argue, fight and persuade until I felt I had "won". But then, after time - I figured out that in some (actually many) of those cases...I was wrong. But I really believed, at the time, I was right. It's all about perspective abd my knowledge at the time.

    I would just hate to see anyone ruin a reputation by forming a judgment. It is so hard to see the whole picture when we don’t know the path they have walked.

    Great topic. Enjoyed the conversation.
  • Tony ... That's wisdom.
  • Tom:

    Just want to take a moment to identify with you...I have and can be the most passionately convinced wrong person I know :)
  • Jason
    I think you have to be honest about what you believe, and if a church is teaching something you don't feel is right, then you should point out where your disagreement lies. If the disagreement is theological, stylistic, or personal, you may have a different response for each.

    Something to think about might be the weight of your opinion as a minister. If someone asks your opinion on a particular church, they will generally add a particular weight to the answer they get from a pastor, and there's a responsibility that comes with that.
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