THINK DIFFERENTLY

7 Reasons Why I Don’t Like Most Christians

Full Disclosure: Before I get started, you need to know this is a blatant rip-off of Tony Morgan’s post by (almost) the same name. Kudos to him for thinking of the idea. Now I’m going to steal it and put my own spin on it. /Full Disclosure.

Usually I like spending my time thinking of a solution rather than the problem. I am, to use a theological term, a “critical realist.” A pessimistic optimist. For me, the glass is usually half-full.

This post will be a little different. I think those of us who follow Jesus need to own up to the fact that we’ve really blown it. Not blown it in a, “we’re all sinners saved by grace,” kind of way, but in a “you’re an ignorant jerk” kind of way. This list is my best attempt to pull the skeletons out of our church closet. Here’s why I don’t like most Christians:

1. We shoot our wounded. Christians should be the most tender and merciful to their own brothers and sisters, but too often fallen Christians are the ones we’re quickest to demonize. Look at how we’ve treated Ted Haggard, Todd Bentley, and Jimmy Swaggart, to name a few. Maybe it’s to save some face. Maybe it’s to gain clout with an unbelieving world. Maybe it’s because we think we could do better. Whatever the reason, it bugs me. (And keep in mind, I’m as guilty as anyone. I’ve done it, on this blog even.)

2. We put spiritual sounding language on things to make them sound better.
What we say: “I’ve fasted and prayed really hard about this, so this is what I think we should do.
What we mean: “I’m unsure about my decision and too scared of conflict to state my wishes plainly, so I’m going to use power language so you can’t argue with me and I get my way.” I’ve seen it a thousand times. I’m sure you have to. This undermines the times where God does truly speak to us in profound ways through prayer. Stop it.

3. We divorce each other. A lot. The Christian divorce rate is no better, and in some cases higher, than those who don’t consider themselves Christian. This makes Christians look silly and our beliefs paper thin. If you’re married, stay married. Die to yourself. Don’t quit.

4. We are lousy tippers. One of the most popular posts on this site is called “Christians Are the Worst Tippers Ever.” It’s popular for a reason: It’s true. Read the post, but more importantly, read the comments. They’re filled with servers, Christians and non-Christians alike, who can attest to the fact that followers of Jesus are tightwads. Prove them wrong. Tip more.

5. We belittle people and then expect them to listen about Jesus’ love for them. There is a local talk show here in Des Moines that has a “Christian” conservative on as a regular guest. In one breath, he will berate one of the hosts of the show because he doesn’t lean the same way politically, and in the next breath he will talk about what he did at church the past weekend. It makes me irate. Disagree with people, fine, but please treat them like they’re a human being.

6. We copy, we don’t innovate. As Christians, we have the living Spirit of Christ within us. Suffice to say, he’s pretty creative. If the Holy Spirit ever took high school art, he would get an A+. So why do we spend so much time aping what the world does instead of asking that same Spirit to breath through us to create something that’s never been created before?

7. We think we know everything. This one could take all day. I’ll save you, though. The more I know Christ, the less I am sure of. And not just spiritual things, everything. That’s why I don’t understand why cranky Christians think they have a lock on everything from who’s going to hell to who’s going to win the election (or who should win the election) to what day we should hold services on. God is great and knows all. We do not.

What do you think? Do you have anything to add to this list? I do not intend for this to be a bash session, but somebody’s got to say it. Let’s clear the air. Discuss.

Technorati Tags: Bad Tippers, Belittle, Copycat, Critical Realism, Divorce, Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard, Todd Bentley, Tony Morgan

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up.

Commenter Alex pointed this out in “Praying For a Bailout.” I can’t decide whether this is just well-intentions gone wrong, irony, or full-blown stupidity.

You are looking at a picture of some Christians praying over the Bull outside of the New York Stock Exchange, petitioning God to save the U.S. financial scene. “Save us from financial judgment,” they prayed.

You don’t need to be a Biblical scholar to see some similarities to Exodus 32. As my brother put it, “Didn’t this happen in the Old Testament or something?” Yes brother, yes it did.

One thing’s for sure: I just found a killer sermon illustration for this week. Hands off the Bull! Ack!

Technorati Tags: NYSE, Weird Christians

“Christians Are the Worst Tippers Ever.”

I told a story last week at Immersion that made people gasp. It spoke to the notorious stinginess of those who follow Jesus. I couldn’t tell if the gasps were “agreement gasps” (“Oh no you dih’int!”) or “horrified gasps” (In Sunday School, I once saw a little boy pick his nose and munch on his nasal treasure like it was a crisp, autumnal apple or a fistful of Cheetos. That was a horrified gasp moment). But they were gasps nonetheless.

I told the story of how when I used to work in the service industry, waiting tables, no one ever wanted to work Sunday morning brunch. I could never figure it out. Even the hardiest partier could drag themselves out of bed by 10am and paste on a “server smile”. Right?

“What gives?” I thought.

“It’s the Christians,” was the reply from my co-workers. “The Christians always come in on Sunday mornings for brunch after their church service and they don’t tip. At all. Christians are the worst tippers ever.”

When I heard that, it was like a kick in the gut.

Why?

1. Mostly because it was true. We don’t tip very well. As a matter of fact, we’re pretty cheap. What makes this worse is that we paint “cheap” with a religious sounding veneer and call it “being a good steward.” Nothing like hiding behind the Bible to camouflage your stinginess.
2. Because God is so generous. We are most like God when we are being generous; generous in all things, but especially with our dough!

Las Thursday I laid down the “Fat Tip Challenge.” The FTC asks you to lay down more than your normal tip next time you go out to eat. Usually put 10% down? Try 30%. Are you a 20% tipper? Bump it up to 50%. If you’re feeling really crazy, try a 80, 90, or 100% tip next time you dine out! Make up for all those lousy tips from other Christians throughout the years.

God says, “I own the cattle on a thousand hills.” As children of this great and generous God - the God who owns everything - can’t we afford to part with a few more of those tightly-pinched pennies? God can afford your generosity. So go on, be generous!

Are you a server with a tip (or non-tip) horror story? Let us hear you. C’mon … Let it out .

Technorati Tags: Christianity, Christians, Immersion

When Churches Attack.

Worst outreach sign idea ever?

HT: Failblog.org for the inspiration.

Technorati Tags: Bad Theology, Dumb Christians, Evangelism, FailBlog.org, Sinner

Jesus the Mounty.

My friend Dave sent me a link to this video. It’s almost tragic, but at the same time I find myself refreshed every time I watch it. The band is called “Sonseed”:

“Sonseed was a Christian pop band formed at the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Brooklyn, New York in the late 1970s. Their sole album, First Fruit, was released in 1983. A proposed follow-up, Just Can’t Get Enough (Of Jesus!!!), with more new wave and New Romantic elements, never saw official release, but some bootleg tracks have surfaced.” Source: Wikipedia.

By far, my favorite Sonseed band member is this guy, Beardy. Apparently he doesn’t get a name, so I’ll just name him after his sweet man-beard. Watch Beardy awkwardly swing his arms throughout the video. He looks like he’s a puppet or something.

So enjoy, friends! Enjoy the Son… seed! Zap!

Technorati Tags: Sonseed, Youtube.com

Jesus Drives a Ford.

This picture is what’s wrong with Christendom.

When we tell people the ways in which they are dying (most of which people are acutely aware of), we forget to tell people how to experience full life. Life, to my conviction, is what following Jesus is all about.

The sad thing is that the person who drives this car believes they are doing the Lord’s work. “I’ll show them for-nee-cators what Almighty Gawd thinks about their dev’lish behave-yuh!” Maybe they are. But I can tell you this, you can judge a “tree by its fruit.” I don’t know where you sit on this, but I don’t see too many people following this car to the church doors saying, “Where do I sign up?”

I find it ironic that this is a Ford Escape. Escape. Did you catch that? Too many times, people with this theology desire to escape the reality of this life; the reality that we (and by “we” I mean the imperial “we” - that includes Christians) are broken and sinful people, in need of a Savior who desperately desires to give us life. Life to the full. We don’t get another home. We don’t get to choose to not be a part of the human race and the beautiful mess that is life. We are where we are because God chose to put us here. We cannot, we must not, attempt to escape it. To do so is unwise, dangerous, selfish, and theologically bankrupt.

So to all you life-giving Christians out there, keep it up. To the ones who desire to tell everyone else how awful they are (driver of this car included), just remember that if you’ve got a pulse, you’ve got a problem and its name is “sin.”

As the caption of the picture of Noah’s Ark hanging up in my childhood bathroom read,“We’re all in the same boat, let’s keep it afloat.”

Photo Source: Collide Magazine

Technorati Tags: Bad Theology, Dumb Christians

The Things We Pastors Do…

This is too funny not to share (to set this up, the pastor with the motorcycle brought it into the church to make a sermon illustration “come to life”):

That guy’s got to feel like a dope.

Source: NeueMinistry.com.

Technorati Tags: NeueMinistry.com

Todd Bentley.

I have to admit, I don’t know what to think about Todd Bentley.

If you’re wondering who that is, you can find the Bentley’s website here and the most recent news regarding Bentley here. Long story short, he’s a faith-healer evangelist based out of Lakeland, Fl., and has just recently separated from his wife. The separation seemed fairly ambiguous at first, but “new details” have come out in the last few days (as it seems they most often do in these situations). From Bentley’s website:

“We wish to acknowledge… that since our last statement from the Fresh Fire Board of Directors, we have discovered new information revealing that Todd Bentley has entered into an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff. In light of this new information and in consultation with his leaders and advisors, Todd Bentley has agreed to step down from his position on the Board of Directors and to refrain from all public ministry for a season to receive counsel in his personal life.”

Youtube is aflame with videos from Bentley’s revival meetings. Videos that include Bentley being “drunk in the Spirit,” Bentley kneeing a cancer victim in the gut, and Bentley describing how the Lord told him to “leg drop” a pastor of a church he was visiting. (Full disclosure: Even as I wrote the above sentence, I found myself thinking, “this is absolutely insane. How did we get to this place as Christians where we can attach “…because the Lord told me to” to just about anything and call it legit?)

In my judgment of this situation, I can not question whether or not Bentley loves God and is a follower of Jesus. That is not a call I am allowed to make, nor qualified to do so. What I can do (and what others can do while observing) is evaluate the fruit that comes from Bentley’s life and ministry. A broken marriage, a broken ministry and a giant smear across the face of an already limping Christian body does not sound like any fruit that I would be willing to consume.

I find myself asking, “Why do people do stuff like this?” How is it that someone like Bentley can have such a different view on the teachings and life of Jesus, so different than mine that they almost seem to be opposing? Or even contrary? What do I do with that?

Frankly, this whole situation is embarrassing. Watching Todd Bentley embarrasses me. It embarrasses me because I know that he is the only Christian exposure that some people will ever have in their lives and because of that, they will write Jesus off. Is it right? No, but it’s reality.

I’ll close this post with some words on this Bentley situation from Notes From Off-Center:

Regardless of what one thinks about Bentley’s ‘revival’ — and just so there is no confusion: we think it is an unbiblical, unchristian, an inexcusable display of sensuality vs. Scripture — fact remains that God uses flawed people. If that were not so, there would be no Christian in ministry anywhere.

That said, along with everything else that has been said about this so-called revival, this latest revelation underscores the severe lack of spiritual discernment on the part of Todd Bentley, his staff, the spiritual ‘leaders’ who enabled him, and the the tens of thousands of Christians who keep chasing after false teachers, pretend ‘apostles’ and ‘prophets,’ fake ‘revivals’ and so on.

Mind you, Bentley and his cohorts are people who claim to be visited by angels, talk about their trips to heaven and their conversations with the apostle Paul, and pepper their language with the word ‘prophetic’ — pretending to speak the very words of God into people’s lives and situations.

We have referred to this whole charade — not just Bentley’s show but the entire cast of ‘New Apostolic’ leaders — as a Christian Role-Playing Game that brings nothing but spiritual tragedy.

Our prayer is that these events will act as a wake-up call for many Christians — Todd Bentley included — caught up in chasing after experience.

Technorati Tags: Christianity, Fresh Fire, Todd Bentley

Blasphemous to some, hilarious to others.

Some people might get really upset at this. What with church polity and all.

Me? Well, it should come as no surprise that I find this absolutely hilarious.

Who said poking fun at the way we Christians do church can’t be an enjoyable pastime?

Technorati Tags: English, Funny, Hymns